EPISODES IN THE PARK
I’m brushing my knees on the gravel in the parking lot, crying in my Saturn when I can’t figure a parking spot
Doing what P.G. called without skipping beats “degrading” and musing the possibility that that’s why I’m deflating
It’s like someone took a fork to fuck my chance of rising up but also maybe that someone saw me and didn’t pick me up
Or maybe that I sunk against the door of my own accord and it’s no one’s this or that to make up for why I don’t fight back
I’m like undercover can’t quite figure one over the other. When I can’t be entertained I simply smoke and shut the shutters
And I utter what word might reverse the damage that was done but I just end up back in bed dreaming of god’s begotten son
And soon the moon will sink the sun, and fuck I hope that shit turns red, not just for me and what I intellectualize as torment
But for my Jesus-fearing mother who believes that I will burn and for the fact that that’s like all I see when I’m talking to her
Ring around another time like cycle back, but more refined
I’m trailing tails through legs of white and calling out for no reply
Still brushing my teeth, still scraping my face but know there’s nothing so engrossing as a depressive state
Episodes at the park while the roads are all blocked, crying and surprising evoking compassion in cops
There’s a stop on the road, after which it goes home. I would drive the other way but I’ve got nowhere to go
So I just turn on all the lights and hit the porch to smoke and let the devil in the mirror tell his sick jokes
Like this one: he’s like “this is your head” and i’m like “lol that’s super fucking funny—Ii quit”
I tried to stand up, make holy haste and bail but there’s a certain kind of solace in a sad man’s cell
This is a good as it gets, as bad as it is, taking money from the mother and the candy from the kid
The devil in the mirror gave me one last tip: he said “you got to where you are because you did what you did”
Ring around another time like cycle back, but more refined
I’m trailing tails through legs of white and calling out for no reply